An Intimate Academic Evening with Malcolm McCreedy 3/5
Previous/Next (APPLAUSE. ZOOM PAN IN ON PROFESSOR FINSRAW AND DR. MCCREEDY) Announcer: Back again with our next segment in; "An Intimate Academic Evening" with eminent thinker and Nobel-Custis Prize winning physicist Malcolm McCreedy. Brought to you by a partnership between our friends at New Media and ThinkCore Edutainment. Finsraw: Welcome back, and thanks again to our sponsor Matheson-Ford for this night's academic entertainment! How about those new-model Matheson-Ford roadster commercials? Feels like you're right there on the highway. McCreedy: Scintillating. I have seven of those. Finsraw: Well! My. Surely you deserve great profit from your invention. Always wanted a roadster. Hopefully I'll join you someday, if the college increases my salary just a touch. In any event, I think our next topic… McCreedy: Here. (MCCREEDY TOSSES A SMALL BUNDLE OF AUTOMOBILE IDENT KEYS INTO FINSRAW'S LAP) Finsraw: Ahh…is this… McCreedy: I think it's for the blue one. Or the gray one. They're both pretty fast. Have fun. (MCCREEDY RAISES HIS GLASS IN A TOAST AT FINSRAW AND DRINKS. FINSRAW EXAMINES THE BUNDLE IN HIS LAP CAREFULLY) Finsraw: This is…? McCreedy: Next topic, next topic. Finsraw: Sir, I couldn't, I mean, it's quite a magnificent gesture, but certainly… (MCCREEDY REACHES OVER AND PLUCKS THE IDENT KEYS FROM FINSRAW'S LAP. HE JINGLES IT ABOVE THE AUDIENCE'S HEADS) McCreedy: Who wants it? (SEVERAL HANDS NEAR THE FRONT GO UP. MCCREEDY TOSSES THE BUNDLE AND TURNS BACK TO FINSRAW WITHOUT WATCHING IT LAND) McCreedy: Next topic. Finsraw: So……yes. Let me see. Yes, here we are: the science of it all. Now certainly most of us at this humble university aren't theoretical physicists like yourself, and won't be able to understand the fullness of your discoveries. McCreedy: Probably. Finsraw: But some students might be able to get the barest gist of it. This current class, I tell you. Quite a sharp bunch. Students, can anyone name the key theory that underpins the Limnal drive? (SEVERAL HANDS SHOOT UP. FINSRAW PEERS OUT FOR SEVERAL SECONDS, THEN POINTS AT ONE) Finsraw: You there, the young man in green. (A STUDENT EAGERLY STANDS. AN ATTENDANT HURRIES DOWN THE AISLE AND POINTS THE CONE OF A DIRECTIONAL MICROPHONE AT THE STUDENT. MCCREEDY GLANCES UP AT THE LIGHTS WITH AN EXASPERATED EXPRESSION) Student: Professor, the theory is called "escalating transference of the limnace effect via small-particle state transition." The theoretical subcategories that impact it are… Finsraw: Plenty, plenty, thank you young man. Well stated. Doctor McCreedy, as an eminent theoretical physicist—possibly the eminent theoretical physicist—perhaps you could try to explain… McCreedy: I don't know why you keep calling me that. Finsraw: "Eminent"? Doctor, you… McCreedy: Doctor. Theoretical physicist. I'm not any of those. I'm an engineer. I build things. Finsraw: Well, certainly prior to your doctorate and your elevation to the ranks of… McCreedy: My "doctorate". You realize that was honorary, right? I mean you realize that. It made everyone more comfortable to think of me as some kind of PhD. But really, I just build pipes. Finsraw: Ahh, pipes? McCreedy: Technically I design pipes. Someone else actually builds them. And I design wiring and distribution manifolds and such for the pipes. Everything that goes with it. Waste management systems engineer. Heat waste, particulate waste, recoverable human-generated material, that sort of thing. Young man — (MCCREEDY SHIELDS HIS EYES FROM THE OVERHEAD LIGHTS AND GESTURES TO THE ATTENDANT IN THE AISLE. THE STUDENT STANDS AGAIN QUICKLY) McCreedy: Point that thing at him again. Young man: define "recoverable human-generated materiel". Student: Sir? Uh…it's excreted, uh, solid waste product that… McCreedy: I didn't say re-define it, I said what is it? Student: F-feces, sir? McCreedy: Feces! I would also have accepted 'poop', or possibly 'pee' if you were taking a broader interpretation. Moving heat and particulates through the pipes is easy. It's the feces—all that mass—that's the hard part. I move feces from point "A" to point "B" and I do it well. You, student: what have you built? Student: Sir? McCreedy: What have you built? What practical experiments have you done? Student: Sir my degree program is for theoretical physics. I do the theory side. McCreedy: You memorize things. Student: Yes. Well, no. Partly? I think? McCreedy: I bet you're excellent at it. Have a seat. (MCCREEDY WAVES HIS ARM DISMISSIVELY. THE STUDENT SMILES UNCERTAINLY AND SITS) McCreedy: How many of you do the practical side of things? How many actually build stuff? (NERVOUS RUSTLING FROM THE CROWD. A FEW UNCERTAIN HANDS ARE HALF-RAISED AND THEN LOWERED) McCreedy: Right. Well. Don't worry. In a few years you'll have the same degrees I have, and it'll just be super. Finsraw: If I may, docto…Malcolm. I think it's precisely your background as an engineer that makes your rise to prominence so significant. Imagine, one of the brightest minds of our generation—of ANY generation—hidden like an unpolished gem within such an unassuming field. Imagine what other great minds may one day rise from professions that are similarly—if you will excuse the term—intellectually impoverished. (MCCREEDY, IN MID-SIP, BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER, SPRAYING A MOUTHFUL OF DRINK ACROSS THE DAIS. FINSRAW FREEZES, EYES WIDE. AFTER SEVERAL SECONDS FINSRAW BEGINS CHUCKLING UNCERTAINTY ALONG WITH MCCREEDY) McCreedy: Finsraw, I'm sorry. It's…sometimes you're just so close to getting it, it scares me. (MCCREEDY RAISES HIS DRINK TO THE AUDIENCE) McCreedy: To the future feces-movers out there! (MCCREEDY RAISES HIS GLASS AGAIN IN SALUTE. IT IS EMPTY. HE FROWNS, TILTS THE GLASS HIGHER AGAINST HIS LIPS, AND STARTS SHAKING IT TO RELEASE THE LAST DROPS. ICE DRIBBLES OUT THE SIDES AROUND HIS FACE AND ONTO THE FLOOR OF THE DAIS) Finsraw: Well, I certainly find it admirable that you are so…enamored with your roots. And, you never answered my original question—perhaps the question of this interview—what is the Limnal drive? What powers it? How does it work? These questions and more will be answered, after a short break. (MCCREEDY BEGINS CRUNCHING DOWN ON BITS OF ICE FROM HIS GLASS. HE LOOKS EXPECTANTLY OFFSTAGE) McCreedy: Can we just…can she just bring the whole bottle this time? (APPLAUSE. ZOOM PAN OUT AS LIGHTS DIM ON THE CENTRAL DAIS. ) Category:Datastick Messages